The Jane Genie

Today has been pretty tough.

I went to Media this morning promising myself that I would tell Imogen how uncomfortable I felt about the whole London with a bunch of people I don’t know thing. It didn’t get off to the best of starts as I went to the wrong classroom and ended up sitting in there for 20 or so minutes with a load of the guys. There was a note on the door telling us to go there, we weren’t being stupid.

Anyway, I got to the right room (the original room) and Mr Allison wasn’t in there. Instead Mrs Lean was taking the lesson and she was giving back our practice exam essays. I sat down, and after a few minutes managed to mumble to Imogen – ‘Next Monday...erm...where are we going in London?’ to which she replied ‘I dunno...wherever’. I wasn’t exactly filled with confidence. She turned around and started talking to Tom about ‘actors’. And by ‘actors’ I mean a bunch of her friends that she was going to find in the spinny. This is a place where people go to smoke/bunk/take drugs. You see where my problem was. Of course, I was too shy to say anything. She started saying how she wanted people to bring ID so she could film ‘in places’. I just turned away. I was fighting back tears and desperately nibbling my pen.

I continued to stare into nothingness and fiddle with things and generally attempt not to burst into a sobbing mess. Mrs Lean came over and said – ‘You look really depressed today’. I managed to mumble – ‘Can I talk to you after the lesson?’ but she said she had a class then, but she could talk to me now. I nodded and followed her out of the room and up the corridor near the toilets.

I promptly burst into tears and mumbled nonsense words trying to explain how I don’t get on with my group and how I don’t think I’m getting listened to and how I’m worried my mark is going to be pants because of it. Mrs Lean completely understood, and I was so thankful for it. She said that she would email Mr Allison to ask if there was anything that could be done. She suggested working with another group, and I begged asked if I could go with Rosie and Alex in the other group. She said she would see what she could do.

I was a mess. In between the tears rolling down my face, I was sniffing, rubbing my eyes and making silly noises as I tried to regain some composure. She said I could have a few minutes to sort myself out in the loos, which I did. I felt so stupid, but I was at the end of my tether and I couldn’t see anything else that I could do. I didn’t mean to cry, but I couldn’t help myself. After sorting myself out, I went back into the classroom. For once, I was glad that I was completely ignored by everyone around me. I scribbled my email address down and handed it to Mrs Lean at the end of the lesson so that she could email me with what was happening.

I thanked her, something along the lines of – ‘Thank you so much, thank you’ and left the room. My dad was a bit late, so I had time to check that it wasn’t obvious I’d been crying.

Anyway, I got home and there was an email from Mrs Lean saying that she had spoken to Mr Allison and that they didn’t see a problem in me working with Rosie and Alex. She also said Mr Allison wanted to talk to me (argh!) so I emailed back with my home phone number. I’m dreading the call.

I’m dreading even more telling Imogen I’m not in her group anymore. She will be pissed. But to be honest, she had her chance to include me and listen to what I wanted to say – and she didn’t take it. Her loss to be honest. Even Mrs Lean said I’m one of the best students in the class. Plus, I still have to sit next to her in Media lessons, which is going to be incredibly awkward. But that’s another problem. And I’m sure I’ll overcome it.

I now need to concentrate on getting all my work done. It’s going to be a busy half term, but I’m feeling so much more confident about it and I’m prepared to do anything I can to get the grade I want.

We got those exam essays back and I got a B+, and she said that everyone had been marked down a grade. So that means I got an A+! I was so flippin’ shocked! Even better, I looked over to Imogen’s and she had a D. I actually grinned through my tears.

That’s what happened in my day, how about you?

♥