The Jane Genie

Lettuce. It is not a particularly inspiring food. It's not even the nicest tasting leaf vegetable. It's just lettuce. It is green and crunchy and chucked absent-mindedly into sandwiches and salads. No one cares where it's from or whether it's had a good day or if it's expecting a child. It doesn't matter because it's just a boring, simple, plain old lettuce.

Unfortunately, some people seem to believe that lettuce is the most vital commodity on the planet right now. More so than the Amazon rainforest, or the icy poles home to polar bears and penguins. To these people, lettuce is something to get stressed about. It is something that grants the ability to hurl abuse. Because some people have to wait an extra five minutes for lettuce, that seems to mean the end of the world and impending doom.

Just a note for the future, if you come into my workplace and throw a childish tantrum about how you've had to wait 'ten minutes' for some lettuce that you must have or God forbid your whole day will be thrown into chaos, and want to rip the crap out of the two people working their asses off to serve a shop full of people, perhaps you should have a plan b. Perhaps you could assemble your own baps next time. Maybe you should grow up and realise the world does not revolve around you.

I'll say no more about it, but I'll leave you with the immortal words of Tim Bisley - "What a prick."