The Jane Genie

In a perfect world the Sun would always be shining. People would be friendly and understanding. Kittens would dance with puppies at a disco arranged by unicorns and Oreos would be a standard health requirement. Unfortunately for all of us, we do not live in a perfect world. Far from it, in fact. Take yesterday for instance. I had a filling, and that meant an injection. It does not usually mean that one side of my face swells up, but that was indeed what happened. Cue an uncomfortable night's sleep after a surprisingly delicious chicken soup. I went to work today in hurricane conditions with a puffy face expecting a normal day. This did not happen.

The front page of The Sun this morning was a large photo of a yob kicking the Tory HQ apart during the 'hijacked' student protest. So this woman comes in and orders a bag full of stuff and when my back is turned, looks at the paper. She then announces after a moment's serious thought "...if they [students] want to go to University, they have to pay for it." She then went on to talk loudly about how students behaved disgustingly on the protest and insinuated heavily that the middle-class already have enough money to pay for it so what are they so protesting about?

Ooh, I don't know. Maybe £9,000+ a year student fees? Perhaps? WELL?

I was actually shaking with rage. My swollen cheek was wobbling with fury. It had a mind of its own. I made extra effort to be super-sloppy with her egg mayo sandwich, enjoying myself as I slapped mayonnaise all over the crusts. That'll teach her. Egg mayo in return for ignorance.

Handily, my bad mood was soon forgotten as a huge gust of wind (tornado-esque) ripped our shop awning from its brackets and across the road, onto the front bonnet of a car trying to reverse. I would've laughed, except someone seriously lacking a sense of humour was trying to order a cheese sandwich. Meanwhile, my boss was running about in the road attempting to gather up the awning in the pissing rain, apologising profusely to the driver and trying not to slip over.

10 minutes later we got a message on the till that honestly read "PLEASE WITHDRAW ALL AWNINGS. WIND IS VERY STRONG." My boss bellowed a "for fuck's sake" which pretty much summed up my exact emotions at that point in time. I shrugged, and got on with wiping bacon off my shoe.