Saturday, January 28, 2012

As a joint Christmas and a 'Congratulations You've Made It Through A Really Shitty Start To University Life' present for myself, I bought a pair of second hand Bose QuietComfort 15 headphones. As someone who likes the quiet and gets irritated easily by stupid people, wearing these headphones on my weekly big shop at ASDA has been a revelation. I literally can't hear anything except my own music.

So I was standing in the queue at the checkout this morning, staring vacantly at the six tins of peach slices and block of Cathedral City cheese belonging to the woman in front, listening to the haunting sounds of John Williams' War Horse score. I look up, and the checkout man and Peach Slice Lady are both staring at me. I take off my headphones.

Me: Oh God, sorry. Did you say something? I can't hear anything with these headphones on.
Peach Slice Lady: We were just wondering what you were thinking about my shopping.
Me: What do you mean?
Peach Slice Lady: You've been staring at it since you joined the queue. I'm a little concerned about what you think I'm going home to cook.

I wonder briefly about whether this woman could take a joke or not. She seemed nice enough, and she wasn't angry or anything. I risk it.

Me: Erm...a cheese trifle?

She looked at me like I'd suggested covering each other in jelly and having a cheeky wrestle. She packs quickly, pays and leaves. I pack quick quickly, pay, but just before I leave the checkout man winks at me and says:

Checkout Man: Nice to know there's someone with a bit of wit up at that university.

I put my headphones back on and leave with a smile on my face.


  1. So was she going home to cook a cheese trifle?

    1. I hope so. After all, most people down here in Cornwall are bloody mad.